The Five Love Languages is centered around the idea that everyone has a love tank. When someone’s love tank is empty, problems occur, and they become depressed, bitter, critical, etc. The only way to keep someone’s love tank full is by speaking their love language, which could be one of the following:
Words of Affirmation
Those who have this love language feel most loved when they’re given compliments or when they hear how much they’re appreciated.
Those who speak this love language feel most loved when someone spends time with them, giving them their undivided attention.
Those with this love language feel loved when they’re given a gift. The gift itself doesn’t matter–it could simply be a pretty leaf found on a nature walk–but the thought behind the gift does.
Acts of Service
If this is you’re love language, you feel most loved when someone does something for you, like making you a meal or taking care of your chores for a day.
Those with this love language feel most loved when they’re touched, whether it’s a back massage, hug, or even a nudge.
The book explains that each language has different dialects. Even people with the same love language may not understand each other, because there are so many variations for each love language.
Another point brought up repeatedly is: Love is a choice. It compares “in love” (as in the euphoric, passionate feeling) to true love. A huge mistake many people make is assuming “in love” is true love, when in reality “in love” is only a feeling that lasts around two years.
I loved this book! It was so eye-opening. The great thing about the five love languages is that it can apply to any relationship–not just those of the marital variety. For the past few weeks, I’ve been trying to find out the primary love languages of my family, so I can keep their love tanks as full as possible.
And I really loved the comparisons of “in love” and true love. At one point, the book says that if you speak your spouse’s love language fluently, he/she won’t even miss the euphoric “in love” feeling. The book is nearly bursting at its seams with story after story to demonstrate each of its points. Each love language chapter ends with practical tips to apply what you’ve learned.
I’d recommend this to anyone who wants deeper, stronger relationships.
Purchase The Five Love Languages
How do you think true love differs from “in love?” Is there a difference? Which of the Five Love Languages do you speak?
HannahJuly 11, 2016 - 3:52 pm ·
“In love” and true love are most certainly different… one is an unreliable, fickle feeling, and the other is an action. My pastor always defines true love as “acting in the best interests of another.” True love must be chosen and actively pursued, and I love how this book emphasizes the importance of acting in a way that tells others you love them. I believe love is worthless unless it translates into action.
My love language is a bit difficult for me to decipher. I communicate love using gifts. I love giving to other people; finding, drawing, or creating the perfect thing they will just adore. BUT… The thing is, I don’t receive love like that. I obviously appreciate gifts, but I think my true love language is words of affirmation. I am not very good at using my own love language to communicate love to others. And this is going to sound really selfish but I just realized it… more than the act of giving itself, I love seeing others’ reaction to what I have done for them. I love it when they tell me how much they appreciate my gift, how much their glee shows me they are happy. Maybe it is a bit roundabout and confusing, but it all comes back to words. Very surprising for a writer, right? 😉 Quality time is also important to me, though. But definitely not physical touch. XD
What about you? What is your love language, or languages?
Elizabeth NewsomJuly 14, 2016 - 12:46 am ·
That’s very true. I think love is best expressed as a selfless action.
I love giving too! Though it’s pretty low on my receiving love language. You don’t always give in the love language that you receive in. Hmm. It sounds like your love language is definitely words of affirmation. And I think that people who like to give gifts often like what they receive from giving them, you know? Physical touch isn’t one of my top languages either.
Mine is quality time. Specifically, talking one-on-one to people about things that matter deeply to us.
Sara BethJuly 21, 2016 - 12:25 am ·
I love this explanation of how you communicate love because I think that’s an important point to be made. For example, I love serving and spending time with people v. giving gifts. Those are my preferences. But I prefer different love languages in return. I know a few people who just love giving gifts, they take it very serious, it’s a way they express love.
Sara BethJuly 21, 2016 - 12:20 am ·
I loved this concept. I learned about it in high school and it stuck with me, though I’ve never read the book. I think I learned about it at some bible study but I’d love to actually sit and read the book as it details everything much more clearly. In high school we took some quiz that allowed us to rank our love languages. It’s interesting because I think I have noticed that, though one person might lean toward practicing 1 or 2 love languages more often than the others, they might actually ‘accept’ different ones than they give. Not sure if that makes sense. It’s hard to explain.
Elizabeth NewsomJuly 23, 2016 - 4:03 pm ·
I bet you’d love this. I love finding ways to apply what I’ve learned in this book to my family.
That totally makes sense! Many people like to give in the love language of gifts, but don’t enjoy receiving it as much. Some people are terribly at giving in words of affirmation, though it’s one of the love languages they receive well in. If you do decide to read it, please tell me what you think! I’d love to hear more of your thoughts.
Sara BethJuly 21, 2016 - 12:22 am ·
Have you tried googling to find a quiz on the five love languages? Just curious 🙂
Elizabeth NewsomJuly 23, 2016 - 4:04 pm ·
I took a quiz a while ago. There’s one you can take on their site, I believe. I haven’t searched very thoroughly or anything 🙂